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User blog:Obotrash/warning
this is very sad and depressing and me spilling sad stuff so heads up Don't you just hate it when you feel like you amount to nothing? When you see others do thing better than you, or when you feel like your opinion won't be taken into consideration and earn you a lot of hate simply because boo hoo, this person is depressed and stuff so if I say something that might hurt their feelings I'm a heartless monster!! Like, just. Life will not provide you a cushion for everything and I'm sick and tired of having to keep my feelings and opinions hidden because other people would react badly and the situation will get impossibly frustrating and difficult. Or when you see people who are strong friends and are similar and do weird things together, and you just sit here with little true friends, or people you actually would give the world for. Or when you care about some the most but you know youre not their number one. Or when you look back on something you were in on and realise that your presence didn't matter at all? And you feel empty, and worthless, like nobody even cares anymore and you want to give up? Or when people expect you to be selfless and care about others more than yourself, and when you try to focus on yourself instead of another you're considered selfish and arrogant?? Like, I spend enough time acting and being nice to others, so when I try to treat myself I'm instantly a petty piece of trash? And when you have to put up an act, a mask of sorts, to please the public because your true self isn't appealing enough for them and they only want what they want? And just... i hate it when people fake stuff or self diagnose. like a while back my friend did a self diagnosis on depression which she very clearly didn't have, and it literally tore one of my friendships apart. like I'm not a fucking idiot, I've grown to actually learn about mental illnesses and stuff like that (ily ruby <3), and as a fact I do have anxiety and very low self esteem (and for the record the anxiety was not self diagnosis I s2g if someone accuses me I will lose my shit) so when people fake it for attention and pity I just ?? like being sad bc of something a couple times doesn't make you depressed. I know depressed people and people with other disorders like that and I know what it's like. that girl I'm talking about even told me the next day that she was lying and didn't have depression so I can confirm it was just self pity. oh and when people just dismiss what you say, or if you give a cry for help they just ignore it. It's honestly saddening that the internet has gotten to a point where you honestly don't know if someone's actually got a mental disorder or if they're faking it. because there are always fakers and liars. irl, on Quotev, on ajcw and ajngw, everywhere. and also school. school isn't fun, it isn't a 'second home' as one of my teachers called it, and it sure as hell isnt an enjoyable place to be. as I mentioned my self esteem has gone to crap and I'm a very bad sportsperson, I just can't do sport to save my crap. I can fight and do wrestling but hell, the school doesn't care about that, plus if ur not a fit and sporty genius than prepare for the talk shit. Why doesn't school teach us necessary things, like how to survive and fight? TBH if someone came up to me and tried to rob me do you think telling them "mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" will make them stop it and run away? Well I hope the fuck it does bc I'm not gonna learn how to defend myself via watchin anime n shit??? like please teach us stuff we can actually use. like some basic healing stuff so if we get an infection out where you can't easily get to a hospital or health clinic we can try and hold it over?? also sex Ed is literal crap goodbye Hnnnnnn ok new day new pain (wow the edge) so today I thought it was a great day to go and look st some amazing speedpaints done by an 11 year old whose art looks like they're a professional artist, and ofc i get this sort of feeling like "wow they're so good at art and so young I can't even draw an eye right ugh" and then this sort of like ?? inferiority complex sorta thing starts to kick in, and it does when other people get higher scores than me on tests, and basically I hate it so fucking much like brain y u gotta do this. why you gotta look at some art and be like lol ur art is shit. let's go and fail at drawing like pls if god suddenly appears and grants me the power to art I'll become a Christian I just really want to draw well also today I talked about depressing stuff at lunch, that's way better than being antagonised for your shitty athletic skills. oh and my mum is a Cool Mom™ bc if you tell her "a girl laughed when the ball flew over my short head" she won't be like "aww are you ok do you want me to call the school" she's like "well that girls a fuckin bitch" which I think is p cool Category:Blog posts